come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
