I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
