Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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