My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
