the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
