He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
