he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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