I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
