I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
