i don't plan on having that self control this summer
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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