you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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