i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
