Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
