He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
