Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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