I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
