Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
