Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
