I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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