Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
