So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
