I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
