I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
