Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
