come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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