I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
