Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You need Xanax blowdarts
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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