That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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