my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
