If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
