her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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