Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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