We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
