Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
