So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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