I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
