Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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