the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
