im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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