I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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