so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
