Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
