Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
