His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
