my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Shame - the story of my life.
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