Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
