i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
