it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
