Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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