the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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