You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
