DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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