I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Randomize
