I can't watch pbs sober anymore
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
