Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
and she was petting her beer can
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
