i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
