Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
